The internet and social media are full of lists.
Weird lists like 5 Best Bugs to Eat
Funny ones like 9 Ways Living with Kids is Like Living in a Haunted House.
I even read one that gives 10 Ways to Rethink Your Lists
So I thought for something a little different this week, I made a list of my own….
Here are 25 Ways to Keep from Being Identified as a Christian…
Enjoy, but don’t miss the point behind the chuckles!
- Complain about your pastor after every sermon.
- Repeat your 2 favorite ‘Bible’ verses: “God helps those who help themselves” and “The devil made me do it.”
- Point out the problems with the church, but don’t ever get involved to help fix them.
- Spend all your money on yourself.
- Steal office supplies.
- Talk about God, but never, ever mention Jesus.
- Hold a grudge for 15 years.
- Tell people you are praying for them, but never really do it.
- Always be the best source for juicy gossip.
- Take credit for good things that happen to you and blame God for the bad.
- Lie to your boss about being sick to get a day off.
- Never be willing to listen to or ask for advice.
- Laugh loudly at off-color jokes… and retell them often!
- Leave a Gospel track or Bible verse for your waiter instead of a tip.
- Yell and gesture at other drivers while sporting a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.
- Date who you want, when you want, the way you want.
- Seek spiritual guidance from Dr. Phil.
- Only make friends with people who can help you get ahead in life.
- Berate co-workers for their mistakes, but make excuses for your own.
- Post a status on facebook about how much you love Jesus and how much you hate your co-workers on the same day.
- Use profanity when sharing your testimony.
- Flirt with your neighbor’s spouse.
- Put an empty envelope in the offering plate.
- Never say “I need help, “”I appreciate you,” or “I love you.”
- Quote often from the book of “Second Opinions.”