25 Ways to Keep from Being Identified as a Christian

The internet and social media are full of lists.

There are instructional and helpful lists like 50 Best Iphone Apps
(Also 50 best Apps for Android) or 20 Ways to Sleep Better.

Weird lists like 5 Best Bugs to Eat

Funny ones like 9 Ways Living with Kids is Like Living in a Haunted House.

I even read one that gives 10 Ways to Rethink Your Lists

So I thought for something a little different this week, I made a list of my own….

Here are 25 Ways to Keep from Being Identified as a Christian…

Enjoy, but don’t miss the point behind the chuckles!

  1. Complain about your pastor after every sermon.
  2. Repeat your 2 favorite ‘Bible’ verses:  “God helps those who help themselves” and “The devil made me do it.”
  3. Point out the problems with the church, but don’t ever get involved to help fix them.
  4. Spend all your money on yourself.
  5. Steal office supplies.
  6. Talk about God, but never, ever mention Jesus.
  7. Hold a grudge for 15 years.
  8. Tell people you are praying for them, but never really do it.
  9. Always be the best source for juicy gossip.
  10. Take credit for good things that happen to you and blame God for the bad.
  11. Lie to your boss about being sick to get a day off.
  12. Never be willing to listen to or ask for advice.
  13. Laugh loudly at off-color jokes… and retell them often!
  14. Leave a Gospel track or Bible verse for your waiter instead of a tip.
  15. Yell and gesture at other drivers while sporting a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker.
  16. Date who you want, when you want, the way you want.
  17. Seek spiritual guidance from Dr. Phil.
  18. Only make friends with people who can help you get ahead in life.
  19. Berate co-workers for their mistakes, but make excuses for your own.
  20. Post a status on facebook about how much you love Jesus and how much you hate your co-workers on the same day.
  21. Use profanity when sharing your testimony.
  22. Flirt with your neighbor’s spouse.
  23. Put an empty envelope in the offering plate.
  24. Never say “I need help, “”I appreciate you,” or “I love you.”
  25. Quote often from the book of “Second Opinions.”
Do you have one to add?  Post a comment!

8 thoughts on “25 Ways to Keep from Being Identified as a Christian

  1. I found myself guilty of one of these and thought thank God it’s only one, but then I thought I sounded a bit like the Pharisee who looked at the tax collector and thought thank God I’m not a sinner like him.

    An amusing but true wake up call to keep on submitting ourselves to the refining and purifying power of the Holy Spirit and not take our righteousness in Messiah for granted.

    1. Good perspective on not being like a Pharisee! It’s so easy to pick out people who we are “better than,” and forget that God’s standard is perfection… and only attained through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Thanks for your comment!

  2. hilarious and at the same time so true and so serious…I am sure there are plenty more to be added…God is really full of love for us to still trying to make a way with humanity and especially Christians! Thank you, beautifully said and written.

    1. As I was writing these, I couldn’t help but think about the truth beneath the humor too. Appreciate your comments, Dimitra!

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